For being remembered by those I love most.
But despite my desire to be memorable,
I worry that I'll stay and linger when I know I should go.
I'll always steal moments as I play witness
To some written honesty,
Some couple's kiss.
Moments like secrets I shouldn't have seen
And I feel guilty, just for being there.
So I will stand here and be quietly magnificent
In suit and tie and impossible contradictions
And what's funny is that the most thought out part of me happens to be anxiety.
In regards to silent goodbyes, to awkward accidental reunions;
I've taught myself to fear all of life's surprises that catch me off guard.
I promise you won't find me brave upon initial meeting.
Maybe I just like my self-loathing self
In order to pay penance for all the innocence I've pocketed.
The only way to live this is life is to dance through it all
But I've never been able to keep a beat.
Yes I'm what lurks beneath my own bed;
A strange beast that breathes and sleeps and regrets things it's seen.
Maybe all our monsters deserve to be pitied as they dream their own dreams
Of being redeemed.
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