Things I Fought For

I found myself smaller and smaller against the blue.
Alone at the bottom of the world,
Nothing else in the raft but faith and fate.
So I took a risk and broke out the oars, saying,
"Honestly there's gotta be more to see than this endless sea."

So carelessly and irrevocably I started to save me
But not once did I imagine a design so grand and fearfully made.
This raft a patchwork of measured words, reverent deeds,
And whispered prayers of "Hope this works",
Carried me further than I could imagine.

Did not love the hardships,
Nor question the validity of the difficulty,
But appreciated the current that dragged me to where I ought to be.
If this is all just a metaphor for growing up,
Why did it have to be tested by such a rough sea?

Saw angels and demons in the waves,
Found the fire in my throat,
Took open risks on open seas,
Coped with salt written into open memories,
And pulled in the wind with the possibilities.

I fought for myself.
I fought for myself.
I fight for myself.

Our Chorus

Oh how you burst, old friend.
Catch an eye, caught a spark,
Outside, in the dark.
I swear I can hear our laughter,
Further ahead, further on up.
I promise I can do my best,
To let you know you're being cared for.
This story has had quite the cast of characters,
So I step back to see the whole tapestry.

Now I am struck by these moments passing on.
Fall trees, falling leaves, golden on the ground.
Lines of magnificent adults forging words for one another.
Lonely intersections full of past and present possibility.
A man offering a chestful of support for lover's tired head.
Wordless, breathless airport reunions sequel anxious longing looks.
Snow falls on this silent night, holy night, a world at rest.

So be at peace; be still when you sleep.
Find the right words for each person
And guard your heart from a bitter erosion.
Share but not steal, be honest to heal.
Rise each day, place determination in your steps,
Boldness in word and deed, and over all of these,
Hope.

Brother Moon

I may have come first,
Content to go nowhere fast.

Holding this orbit,
Meant to last.

Sun stands still,
All else moves.

Time may ebb and flow,
Depending where you stand.

Different paces,
Occupying different spaces.

So I as Brother Moon, will give my best,
Lighting the dark along with the stars.

Sometimes I may be half here,
Quarter, sliver, gone, not for long.

Wait out my dark and I'll wholly shine.

So even when I'm not 'round,
You can still seek me out,
And don't wait to make myself known:
But wherever you roam
I won't be far from home.

Familiarity

All is lost and found,
I hope.
I miss the places I used to find myself;
Sights and sounds and smells still pull me back.
A lightning strike, a wave of Déjà vu,
Clap your hands it's gone. 

Momentum

Never has movement been so slow;
A glacial act of growth;
I have been swept along with so much to show.
Empty fields amounted to empty space.
Watch the mile markers and milestones recede,
Stored alongside everything I think I need.
That's the thing about momentum.
You're stuck when you're still in place
But once you start moving it's quite hard to still the wheels.

Alone on the open road.
Stop. Caution. Storms ahead.
Slow. Merge. Lane change.
I guess we should press on.

Loaded down with the luggage I deemed essential,
I think I packed too much.
A suitcase here,
Traveling bag there,
Laid to rest along the way.
Now I begin to swing out,
For miles

miles

miles.

Beast

A city is a strange beast.
Feed it and it will sprawl,
Groaning as it stretches towards the next horizon.

A concrete earth.
A gridlocked forest. 
Sights and sounds and fury

Among the hardness there remains mystery.
Unexpected gestures.
Uplifting spots of graffiti.

I like the way nature can break the gray.
Luminous billowing pillars beautifully hurt the eye
Over parks built for respite.

I wish you could see the lights,
The creature's neon restless eyes,
Keeping me from sleep at night.

Have you ever watched a city beast sleep,
As it huddles near the mountains' feet,
Speaking huddled roars in dreams of distant shores.

See the cells in the veins,
Moving in vain thorough fare and thoroughly worn,
Perpetual motion and infinite breaths.

Humans are humans and here's the beast we made,
Bricks and concrete and tired, bleary eyed scenes.
The beast, the machine, man and his dreams.

Who has been tamed,
We or the beast?

A Point Against the Sea

Swept over or swept up,
Same thing and same results.
How can you stand among the waves
Without bowing out and under.
How do you even begin to push back
Against the rising tides.

Turn and lean in, my friend, turn and lean.

If we're out to sea might as well try swimming.

Rhythm

Maybe we're suburban kids with backyard swings
Who never grew up during their college scene
So this is what I know,
Why we act so brave to save face,
Because we're breaking, breaking, breaking
Down.
Further and further and further down.

We have to do something about this don't we, darling?

Adults always look like they're living a magnificent life
But like A Sunday Afternoon it's all small dots up close
And we all live moment to moment, dot to dot.
Sometimes we all get to be a study in deconstruction,
Circling around the weight of our own gravity,
Landing between joy and despair,
But at least you land on your feet.

I may be walking in widening circles but at least I'm moving.

Phoenix

Do you remember how to even scream?
You entered this world doing as much,
Sometimes you have to roar to remember your lungs.

So slip the words past the lips
Dismiss the feeling that something's amiss
For we all wish for those we miss.

Stars and moon, grey rocks support my shoes;
Hold me down and through, all that I fear I knew
Might catch me and keep me from what I should do.

So much of me wishes you could hear how elegantly
I can deliver a soliloquy about the state of being me;
Maybe that'll be when you can see the irony.

All my carefully crafted care that I had created
Caved and collapsed consequently, last time I checked.
It's kinda hard to keep recreating myself amid my own chaos.

Feel the fire placed in your throat, don't choke
Just say all the words to keep yourself afloat,
The scars you hold shouldn't matter if they show.

I let the fire burn deep and low,
Spread the ashes and feel their glow,
Sometimes you gotta burn yourself down just to grow.

Falling Out

I think I'll let myself go.
I think I'll just pack up and leave.
These bones are wearing thin,
Hurting when I think aloud,
I think it's time to start again.

Every now and then I see bits of me passing by
After I handed them out like tricks on Halloween.
I always thought they would return,
Like cheap gifts on Christmas,
Like unrequited love on Valentines;
But they were always ignored like Boxing Day.

I just want to lean on God's ear for a while,
In the mountains or maybe just away from here.
I fear the desperation so like all my fears I will carry it along,
Place it in front of Him and ask Him about the closed doors,
Of minor characters and final chords.

I placed those I loved where I could not reach,
In the heavens, among the stars,
And that's my fault and only mine.
So this one's for me.