Nightly Window

It's impossible to sleep with a hurting heart

So perhaps that's why I feel like a ghost here

Falling in love with shadows and ruins

And my vintage, water-colored childhood.

Green came streaking through the trees and grass

With blue hues cascading from the heavens

And red leaked from your young yearning heart

As innocence earnestly ran in the streets.

What's the point of time when minutes are hours and hours minutes;

Everything stopped making sense as soon as head met pillow.

You became legend and myth
As my sleep deprived thoughts
Shaped my waking perceptions.
You can be such a spectre,
Shattering at first sunlight.
You were the thunder,
The lightning,
The rain.
You were a storm and I all could do was stand there and wait.
I wanted to waltz across the deserts and oceans with you.
Afraid that I would trip and wake with fright,
I let you lead and I drowned in your seas of sand and foam
And I was bathed in salt and heat.

Bloody nose on bloody pillows,

Stayed awake all night, had nightmares to fight.

I dreamed of spiders stalking over my bed,

So I lurched from sleep, afraid I was followed into waking.

Storms never had me worried before, taking comfort from ferocity,

But now I woke with fear as rain met my window;
A pane of glass was all that was between me and the cold and dark.
It all sounded like the world was ending that night.

Hit the bed and fell awake

Before sleep walking beneath the sun.

Once I dreamed of golden shores, now far away and hard to find.

Sometimes I still feel comfort in trying to sleep.

I let the cold air of the room drive me below the covers.

It's not that I mind the cave that I've created,

I just think I've fallen a little too far down;

Sleep would be nice by now.

To Build A Home

A home is a good thing to want.

Four walls to keep the world from seeping in;
A harbor, a fortress, a place to sleep away Saturdays.

Let's make it all sacred, let's make it all safe;
We'll have enough wear and tear when we return from out there.

A house is made of wood and brick and by design
But a home is light and love grown on hallowed ground.

Remember a home is not built all in one night
It will take time but you must do it right.

So gather your patience and gather your wit
Raise up your walls and build them thick.

After all, you're building not just for yourself,
To raise a real home you must not remain alone

Friends and family and some that blur the lines,
Or maybe you'll have just the One but all can lend a hand.

If you build it right then the laughter and stories will echo on,
Long after you're gone.

Wonders We Lost

Every moment I held dear, left in slow motion.

Fireworks rose above the trees as we children laughed and dreamed.
Fall fell and we all grew a little bit older, a little bit colder, as the trees slept.
Snow blew horizontal, a pure curtain parted as I passed through the drifts.
Puddles soon swelled up from impacts of bare feet dancing in the street.

Hellos are lost and goodbyes linger.
Tall trees are laid low in the wake of storms,
While others grow up after death takes what it wants.
Some days you came home from school
Just to find out that the dog had been put to sleep.
Distance grew between between friends up the street,
Inch by broken concrete inch.

Some days have been easier to remember than others.

I found my breath that Sunday afternoon,

In my lungs hidden beneath skin and bones and sunlight.

The rain that splashed my lips

Was the closest I've had to a pure kiss.

We walked the town with the future over our heads

Where years before I spoke the words Tuesday wrote.

Talks between friends that lasted late into summer nights,

Lying innocently to ourselves that we would change the world.

Wasted hours were never wasted with friends,

On couches and floors, in front of screens or outdoors.

I wish I had breathed a little slower, a little surer;
Made every breath a "Hallelujah"

I think it is no ill thing to visit the past
As long as you don't linger and listlessly lean on it for support.

Sometimes we all need to relive our stories.

Care

One day I woke up
And fell out of love.
There was no warning.
There was no confusion.
It just happened
With such clarity too;
It was alarming
How easy it was,
As easy as say...
Pulling off the sheets,
Rubbing sleep from eyes,
Stretching with sinews singing
Towards the ceiling.
I don't think it's you,
I don't know if it's just me,
Nothings hurts,
Nothing is wrong,
So maybe it'll be best
To wait and see.
It's easy to be
Comfortably complacent;
No catalyst
No motivation
No loss,
At first.
It takes hard work
To start a new fire
Once the heart goes dark.

Sea Through Rain

Run your fingers through the rain
I'll twist my ankle, just a sprain
So I lay awake after the thunder has tucked me in
Beneath the covers that cover my feet.
I am graceless but I am steady
I know by now we might never be ready.
Maybe it's how I wish I could set the pace
Of running the halls, dancing on tables,
All before it's too late.

A downpour creates something more
And now we must move on.

Let's laugh as the sea crashes in;
Listen now and you can hear it.
Through windows, through doors,
Through the halls, and where we once stood.
Let the past drown, leave it down and out and behind,
You shouldn't have to carry the weight of what is now done.
The best parts will float after you anyway.

Champagne Novocaine

This taste was different as it lingered on the tip of my tongue.

Sure the shame still stood out with its crimson hues,

Bleeding through and rising over my face.

The regret rolled across the roof of my mouth,

Curling and churning ghosts, busy haunting the back of my mind.

The sorrow I had swallowed several times before,

Bitter and black and heavy as it sank down.

I can catch lingering lines of novocaine that I had self-prescribed, 

Now my tongue's too numb to raise for the right words.

And underneath it all I finally taste the free air. 

Hollow Body

I wish I could sing with urgency
But currently I only hum under my breath.
I used be to so sincere
Sincerely believing in so many things
Like I could change the world
And have love handed to me on a silver platter
All the while believing in an inherit innocence in creation.
Now I'm not so sure about all those beliefs.

I still want to believe that there's light in the storm
And that music can still be heard above the static.
I think the bravest souls are those who venture out among masses
To play their songs, tell their stories, and share their hope.
Words have weight so weigh them carefully before sculpting
You could build world from words and songs and laughter.
On the days where I fear that the words I write are empty,
The days where I just don't feel anything,
I just remind myself that violins are hollow.

In Pockets

Haikus are like spare
Change, I always have some that are
Rattling around me.

Twenty-One Times You'll Say Goodbye

If you love life you will learn to say goodbye
For this journey will be full of them.
Learn to say them well, they matter just as much as hellos.

You will learn to say goodbye to loved ones,
Bedded down in pine and embraced by the earth.
You will learn to say goodbye for the night
After your lover drops you off at home.
You will learn to say goodbye as you wave to your parents
After they moved you to your new life.
You will learn to say goodbye when you come home
And learn that your pet was gently given over to sleep.
You will learn to say goodbye and then forget your social cues
As you two awkwardly walk in the same general direction.
You will learn to say goodbye as to save your life
From the poisons you might be holding dear.
You will learn to say goodbye to homes and harbors you've known
As you head out towards the unknown, alone or in good company.
You will learn to say goodbye to all your friends
Maybe for education, for choices, for changing of names.
You will learn to say goodbye to dreams, maybe not all,
As you grow older and hopefully dream a little bolder.
You will learn to say goodbye to petty quarrels
So bite the bullet, admit you were wrong, save yourself some pain.
You will learn to say goodbye when you're least aware
A bad day, quiet day, a day late; just be prepared.
You will learn to say goodbye in advance
As you prepare for the inevitable uprooting of life.
You will learn to say goodbye quietly or even not at all
Sometimes just slipping away silently is all you should do.
You will learn to say goodbye to pieces of your heart
Either violently broken and stolen or simply handed out.
You will learn to say goodbye to days given to the past
Childhood day dreams or darker things long gone now.
You will learn to say goodbye to simpler things
A favorite song, a favorite dish, things you might not miss.
You will learn to say goodbye to many families and homes
That have all adopted you as their own.
You will say goodbye to the safety that you thought you had
When your shields are torn down and thrown away.
You will learn to say goodbye to your childhood
As you hide away your toys like closeted time capsules
You will learn to say goodbye to all the bad days you've weathered
More are coming you know but don't let them linger on after they're done.
You will learn to say goodbye
And all will simply be.

Sucker's Luck

I think I would trade being loved by most people
For being remembered by those I love most.
But despite my desire to be memorable,
I worry that I'll stay and linger when I know I should go.
I'll always steal moments as I play witness
To some written honesty,
Some couple's kiss.
Moments like secrets I shouldn't have seen
And I feel guilty, just for being there.
So I will stand here and be quietly magnificent
In suit and tie and impossible contradictions
And what's funny is that the most thought out part of me happens to be anxiety.
In regards to silent goodbyes, to awkward accidental reunions;
I've taught myself to fear all of life's surprises that catch me off guard.
I promise you won't find me brave upon initial meeting.
Maybe I just like my self-loathing self
In order to pay penance for all the innocence I've pocketed.
The only way to live this is life is to dance through it all
But I've never been able to keep a beat.
Yes I'm what lurks beneath my own bed;
A strange beast that breathes and sleeps and regrets things it's seen.
Maybe all our monsters deserve to be pitied as they dream their own dreams
Of being redeemed.